An Unsucessful Raid
by Afterburner
Summary: Skulduggery attempts to follow a lead about his deceased family. Fills the gap between the funeral and the will reading in the first book. Rated T for violence and swearing. Leave a review if you have the time, I'm addicted to my reader's thoughts.


Well hey there! This is my first Fanfic, but I know you're already dying to read it (because it's awesome like that). Please if you have time add a comment, I want to improve, and the only way I can do that is if you tell me what I've done wrong/right. I'm sorry about the page breaks and such.

Just so you guys know, after publishing this story I've become addicted to reviews and, to many people's annoyance, my ego is sky-high. I love each and every one of you. Thanks for the kind reviews, and to let you know my next story is about 14 pages in on paper, but I'm a little bit stuck. So instead of going for a cheaply written bad ending i may just upload it unfinished, and let your imaginations roam for the ending if all else fails. Lemme know what you'd prefer, aside from me hitting an epic idea, which is Plan A.

Hope you enjoy it :) - Afterburner

I'd like to thank RC, my best friend and editor. Without him, this would probably not make as much sense. Love ya RC.

Skulduggery sat, thinking deeply, trying to piece together the case he had been working on for the past two months. This case had consumed him. He spent 18 hours a day working on it, and the remainder resting. An idea sparked, and manifested, and just as it came within reach it was snatched away, train of thought lost when the phone rang. He picked it up and growled "This had better be important." He hit the answer button.  
>"Hello?" he asked, all trace of anger gone from his voice.<br>"Is that Mr Skulduggery Pleasant?"  
>"Yes," Skulduggery responded "Who is this?"<br>"This is Mr Fedgewick, I'm calling on behalf of your friend Gordon Edgley, as I assume you know, he is no longer with us, and he has requested you at the reading of his last will and testimony. Will you be able to make it?"  
>"What time am I needed?" Skulduggery asked,<br>"It's at 10.00 on the 14th of August"  
>"Where?" Skulduggery asked, rather irritated he had to ask each question individually.<br>Fedgewick told him the address  
>"Right, I'll be there"<p>

It was very close to the Hibernian. Skulduggery wondered if Gordon chose this lawyer because it was nearby. That was like Gordon, thinking of everything. Then the idea hit him, like a wall.  
>"Mr Fedgewick?"<br>"Yes?"  
>"I may be a tad late, my apologies in advance."<p>

Skulduggery terminated the call and grabbed his keys and gloves. He put on his coat and walked outside and unlocked his car and drove down the long road, past the two rivalling funeral companies, and into Dublin.

He arrived at the hotel just before eleven PM. He wanted to be at the house at four in the morning. Skulduggery enjoyed non-sanctuary business.  
>"No rules, no problems, shoot first, ask questions never," he thought to himself<p>

The hours dragged by, Skulduggery thought he must have checked his revolver's ammo a hundred times. Finally it was 3.45 am.

Skulduggery got into the Bentley. Made in 1954, an R-type Continental, 6 cylinder, 4.5 litre engine, one of only 208 ever made, retro-fitted with central locking, climate control, satellite navigation, and a host of other modern conveniences, it was his pride and joy.  
>"How I wish for a new person to tell that to." He spoke quietly to himself as he drove away.<p>

The Bentley sped through the night, like a panther. It pulled up across the road from the building. It was run-down, a few stories shorter than its neighbours.  
>"Mages" he thought.<p>

Skulduggery opened the glove box, pulling out his revolver; he thumbed the catch and checked the cylinder, 6 rounds sitting neatly in their chambers.  
>"Perfect" he thought, and he put the remaining bullets into his pocket, 8 more, and stepped out into the night.<br>"Stay calm," he reminded himself as he walked across the road, "the last thing I need is to lose it." Skulduggery checked the door. Locked.  
>He had heard of an adept who could unlock doors with a touch, right now he envied her.<p>

He looked up, for once luck was on his side, a window lay open, and he propelled himself into the air. Skulduggery pulled himself though and drew his revolver. After a quick scan of the room he was satisfied this one was clear. He was in a bathroom.

He slowly opened the door and stepped into the corridor. He was about to open the door opposite to him when he felt the air behind it shift. He held his hand up, feeling the currents, and he held his ear to the door. Three men, close to each other. He heard the clatter of dice rolling, and he hoped for the best. With any luck he could kill them without a sound. Skulduggery opened the door, and drew up the air around the men, suspending them mid-air, and as he did so he drew the air from around their head away. The men tried to scream, yelling for help, but with no air for the sound to travel through, nothing was heard. Skulduggery held them there for a minute, until their faces turned purple, then their eyes turned glassy and he let them drop to the floor as he walked out.

Skulduggery walked to the room next down the corridor, and felt the air behind it. Just as he was adjusting he saw the handle turn and he ripped his revolver from its holster and fired three shots through the door, two at chest height and one higher up. Skulduggery pushed and splayed his palm, as the air shimmered the door flew off its hinges and caught the man Skulduggery had shot and sent the two of them flying backwards. Skulduggery clicked his fingers, fire sprouting in his palm, and threw the fireball at a man sitting down, startled by the sudden noise. Skulduggery stepped in and was about to scan the room when he heard footsteps to his left and he turned as a man smashed straight into him and tackled him to the ground.

They smashed to the ground and the man pinned Skulduggery to the floor as his hand split into two prongs that went through his ribcage and into the floor as the man punched Skulduggery in the face. Skulduggery's head smashed sideways into the floor beneath him, and as the man continued to punch him Skulduggery's hand closed around his revolver and he fired the last three shots blindly in the general direction of the man's head. The first two went completely wide, but the third skipped past the man's ear. The speed of the bullet and the rush of air changing the pressure around his ear and ruptured his eardrum, deafening him and causing him to roll on the floor in pain. Skulduggery stood up, emptied the shells from his revolver, loaded another bullet into the chamber and shot the man in the head. He emptied that shell, then loaded six more bullets into the chambers, and thumbed the cylinder back into place as he put it away.

Skulduggery turned around to see two men who had entered the room, "Impressive to enter without me knowing," Skulduggery thought, he realised one must have been an elemental, to stop any air disturbance.  
>The man on the right spoke first "Detective, we know who you are, and why you're here. Put your revolver on the ground, and slide it away and we'll let you die…relatively…painlessly. Or," the man paused "we can rip you bone from bone and slowly grind you to a powder and pass you off as crack." He spoke with a faint German accent.<br>"I came here looking for something, and I'm not leaving without it" Skulduggery spoke softly but clearly.  
>"Bravo Detective Pleasant," a third man entered the room, smaller than the first two, who both towered over Skulduggery, "It pleases me that you've made it this far. Look around you, all these people. Worthless to me. I guess my two friends will have a nice challenge. It's been a while since I've seen a good fight, I believe the last was… Ghastly Bespoke's mother, against Vile. Oh that was fun."<p>

Skulduggery was flooded by anger, but made no move, and gained control of himself again.  
>The man had a Russian accent, and spoke as if Skulduggery was an equal.<p>

"Oh, I haven't introduced me and my companions, how rude of me. I'm Dmitri Ivanov, and this," he gestured to the man on his right, whom had made the threats "is Alexander Rache. And this is Kabé Lawton." Gesturing to the man on his left.  
>"Makes no difference to me," Skulduggery said "I'll beat the information out of you if I have to."<br>"Y-y-y-you speak as though you h-h-have the a-a-advantage" Said Lawton  
>"Shut it, you stuttering motherfucker," Dimitri turned and smashed Kabé in the face, sending him sprawling "you're hired muscle, not lip!"<br>Kabé got up without a word, and resumed his stance. From the way Kabé reacted, or rather didn't react, Skulduggery knew that Dimitri was a very, very dangerous mage.  
>"Detective, while I do have the information you seek, I'm afraid you will not be leaving with it, and if you do not hand over your weapon now," Dimitri added threat to his voice "you will not be leaving at all"<br>Skulduggery slowly reached into his coat pocket, and drew his revolver. He bent over slowly and placed it on the ground, and saw the table to his left. "Perfect" he thought.  
>"Now, kick the revolver over to me, and place your hands behind your head."<br>Skulduggery nodded, and kicked the revolver toward Dimitri, and as he did so he splayed his palm and the table flew at the trio as Skulduggery pulled at the air around the revolver and it flew into his grip. He fired all six shots at Kabé.

The table stopped inches from Dimitri's face as Rache held the air around it for a few seconds, before waving and the table smashed into the wall. Kabé's chest rippled as bones pushed the bullets out. Skulduggery couldn't see any physical damage caused by his shots. Dimitri still hadn't moved a muscle.

There was a moment of stillness before Dimitri laughed "Body bag then?" Skulduggery put his revolver back in his coat, and took it off and put it on the floor. He clicked and fire blossomed in his hands.

Skulduggery threw the first then the second at Rache, the first went wide, but the second headed straight at him. Just before it hit Rache reached and caught the fireball. Rache grinned and threw it back, Skulduggery ducked beneath the fireball. "That's a new one." He muttered, and Rache ran at him. Rache pushed at the air but Skulduggery moved into the wall of air and ripped a hole in it. He clicked and a fireball grew and he shoved it into Rache's face from point blank and held it there. Rache shrieked and kicked Skulduggery back falling backwards, clutching his face. Skulduggery pushed at the air and Rache went flying. He landed next to Dimitri, who commented "That was a pathetic effort, you're useless!" and he punched Rache in the face, shockwaves visible. Blood went everywhere and Dimitri pulled out something important, maybe a brain. He threw it away, and took off his gloves. "Kabé, are you any better?"

Kabé's arms rippled, and bones shot out at random angles, then rearranged themselves into two massive bone drill-like spikes. He charged at Skulduggery and Skulduggery launched a kick at Kabé's head which he ducked and then he took a swipe at Skulduggery. Skulduggery grabbed Kabé's upper arm and twisted, so he was behind him. Kabé kicked backwards blindly, kicking Skulduggery's shin, and Kabé stepped back as the bones on his right arm rearranged themselves into a shield and the left one grew longer and more lance-like.  
>This time he approached Skulduggery slower, perhaps he didn't expect Skulduggery to be a good close quarters lunged with his left and while blocking Skulduggery's hook with his right. Skulduggery tried to pull away but he couldn't and when he looked down he saw that bones had interlocked themselves with his and as he watched one started to fuse with his é took another stab at Skulduggery which he ducked, and then Skulduggery punched him in the face.<p>

Bones broke, and Kabé fell down unconscious, dragging Skulduggery down with him. Skulduggery looked up at Dimitri, who still stood there, watching, waiting. He reached for his coat, and just snagged the corner, and pulled it toward him. He reached into the pocket and loaded the last three bullets into the chamber. He fired the first into Kabé's head, bits of brain and bone spattering the wall behind him, and with the second he shot through the bones holding him to Kabé, followed up by a hit with the butt of his revolver, which shattered the remainder.

He sheathed the pistol and stood, as Dimitri spoke "Well done, it's a shame you side with those fools you call Elders. No matter, Serpine shall take care of them soon. But now to matters at hand. I assume you still have that death wish? Or have my companions tired you out?"

Skulduggery clicked, and fire blossomed in his hands but before he could throw them Dimitri blurred and was in front of Skulduggery in a split second and he kicked out and Skulduggery shit backwards, fireballs going out. Skulduggery hit the wall and landed and he splayed his hand and as the air moved Dimitri tried to go through the wall of air but instead of pushing Skulduggery pulled at the air and Dimitri lost his balance and fell forward. Skulduggery caught him and elbowed him in the face and kneed him in the gut and smashed his forehead against Dimitri's nose as blood sprayed over the detective's clothes. Dimitri's hand slipped to his pocket and he pulled out a small purple box, and he let it drop to the ground. Once it hit it exploded and flares flew everywhere. One hit Dimitri in the chest, and three others hit Skulduggery, sending him flying into the wall.

Dimitri woke first, and he inspected the room as he lay on the ground. A wall was damaged badly, cracked and broken, he could see into the room beyond. One of the lights had been broken, and was giving off sparks. Dimitri looked over at the Skeleton Detective; he was embedded in the wall next to the door, and still unconscious. Dimitri looked down at his chest. Blood was flowing freely, mixing with ash from the flares and bones. Dimitri knew he had four hours at best, no matter what happened.

He heard a grunt, as the detective pulled himself from the wall. He seemed to be in a lot better shape than Dimitri. Skulduggery limped over to Dimitri and kicked him in the side. Blood spattered against the wall and the Detective's suit. "Who the fuck led my family into that trap?" he yelled. "Don't make me ask again!"  
>Dimitri looked up at the Detective and smiled, "Why? I'm a dead man anyway. I've no wish to condemn anyone else to your rage."<br>Skulduggery cracked his knuckles, "I'll tell you why, motherfucker, because if you don't tell me, you'll think being killed is a pleasant little dream." Skulduggery kicked him again, and as Dimitri rolled he spotted something, next to him, Skulduggery's revolver. Dimitri thought for a moment, yes, yes there was one more bullet in the chamber.  
>"So torture it is then." Skulduggery spoke calmly now, as if talking about an invitation to coffee.<p>

Dimitri's arm blurred and he grabbed the revolver and it blurred again and he held it against his exposed chest and pulled the trigger, no time for any doubt. Dimitri's body jerked then went limp. Skulduggery roared in anger and grabbed Dimitri by the throat and lifted him up.  
>"Fuck, no pulse" he thought. He double checked for one before throwing the corpse, hard, against the wall. He kicked Rache's dead body and left.<p>

Skulduggery crossed the road and unlocked his car. He quickly checked the time on the dash, nine o'clock, still time to get cleaned up. He put the car in gear and pulled out onto the street. Skulduggery pulled up outside the old theatre, the Hibernian. Sure it was old, but that was part of the charm. Skulduggery got out of the car and walked inside. The screen was showing what it usually showed, a black and white brick wall with a door. Skulduggery walked up to the door and opened it, and stepped into the medical facility.

"Ahh, Detective," Kenspeckle spoke as he looked up from a corpse "and what...peacekeeping...brings you here this time?" Kenspeckle wasn't a fan of violence.  
>"Mainly my hand" Skulduggery responded, holding his arm out<br>"Let me see" Kenspeckle put the scapple on the tray that he kept his instruments on, and walked over. He took hold of Skulduggery's wrist, peering over his glasses.  
>"What happened?"<br>"Bone manipulator, he got attached to me. Must like touching men."  
>"Alright," disapproving of Skulduggery's joke. Kenspeckle reached into his lab coat's pocket and pulled out a vial. He loosened the top and tipped a few drops onto Skulduggery's hand. He walked over to a drawer and opened it, retrieving something that resembled a pizza cutter. Kenspeckle flicked a switch on the handle and the blade spun and whirred as Kenspeckle carefully and meticulously chipped away at the excess bone. When it was finished Kenspeckle gave Skulduggery a jar.<br>"That must be applied once a day, for seven days. Just a little each day, bring me back the rest"

Skulduggery nodded his thanks and walked out.

He pulled a fresh suit from the trunk of the Bentley and got changed in the back. He got out, not wanting to damage the leather by jumping over it, and got into the driver's seat, putting on his wig, hat, and sunglasses as he did so. Skulduggery pulled up outside the Solicitor's office, a small grey building, identical to all the others on this street; unlike them, however, this one did not have a tacky neon sign offering fish and chips or other types of fast food. Skulduggery thanked that he didn't have to eat, lest be forced to eat a piece of highly processed food. The road itself was quiet, and Skulduggery crossed it, and went inside.

"Sorry I'm late, it was unavoidable." Skulduggery said as he closed the door behind him.

Everyone turned around and looked at him. One particular woman, Beryl he guessed, was staring at him as if he was interrupting a burial, to borrow a pen from the deceased.

The solicitor, Mr Fedgewick, cleared his throat  
>"Um, you are Skulduggery Pleasant?"<br>"At your service."  
>Beryl finally spoke "Do you have something wrong with your face?"<br>"OK then," Fedgewick interrupted "let's get down to business, now that we're all here. Excellent. Good. This, of course, being the last will and testament of Gordon Edgley, revised almost one year ago. Gordon has been a client of mine for the past twenty years, and in that time I got to know him well, so let me pass onto you, his family, and friend," he looked at Skulduggery "my deepest, deepest-" Fedgewick was interrupted by Fergus.  
>"Yes yes yes, can we skip this part? We're already behind schedule." he said, while glancing at Skulduggery "Let's get to the part where we get stuff! Who gets the house? And who gets the villa?"<br>His wife, a shrill voice "Who gets the fortune?" She was on the edge of her seat.

Skulduggery centred his head on the stage, at Fedgewick, but he looked at the girl, she was an odd one, so much like Gordon, even her features reminded him of Gordon. Skulduggery's mind drifted, he wondered if she could do...  
>His thinking was interrupted by Beryl "You hate the water, you get seasick," she told her husband. Seems they got the boat.<br>"I do get seasick, and he knew that!" Fergus complained  
>"And we already have a car!" Beryl whined again<br>Fergus repeated her.  
>"Parrot," Skulduggery thought.<br>"This gift," Beryl spoke threateningly, "is it the fortune?" She was very, very close to the desk.

Fedgewick coughed, and took a box from his drawer. Time stood still for a moment, everyone wondering what could be in it. Skulduggery saw the girl, Stephanie, watching intently. Beryl and Fergus squabbled over the box, before Beryl snatched it up and ripped the top off, tearing the ribbon.  
>"What is it?" Fergus asked, unable to see what Beryl was looking at.<p>

He asked a number of things, account numbers, safety deposit boxes, and Skulduggery's mind wandered, wondering what it could be. Knowing Gordon it was probably something humourous, like a whoopee cushion, building suspense then crashing it down around Beryl. The thought made him smile.

He snapped back to the present, and saw Beryl's face. She was pale white. She turned the box for everyone, Skulduggery, Fergus, Stephanie and her parents, to see.

It was a brooch, quite small, quite plain, no jewels. Beryl and her husband started bickering. "What else do we get?" Fergus asked with a hint of desperation  
>Mr Fedgewick tried to smile "Your, uh, your brother's love?"<br>Beryl opened her mouth, and for a second no sound came out. Then it came, a high pitched whine, emanating for a very, very long time.  
>Skulduggery saw Fedgewick try to ignore them, and return to the will.<p>

He spoke, addressing the Detective "'To my good friend and guide Skulduggery Pleasant I leave the following advice. Your path is your own, and I have no wish to sway you, but sometimes the greatest enemy we can face is ourselves, and the greatest battle is against the darkness within. There is a storm coming, and sometime the key to safe harbour is hidden from us, and sometimes it is right before our eyes.'"

Skulduggery bowed his head, mulling over what the riddle could mean. Trust Gordon, even in death he gave Skulduggery puzzles. Safe Harbour, A Storm, none made sense to him immediately. He would give it some thought later, as he paid attention to Fedgewick again. He seemed to be addressing Stephanie.

"'Make your parents proud, and make them glad to have you living under their roof, because I leave to you my property and possessions, my assets and royalties, to be inherited on the day you turn eighteen. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that, in my own way, I love you all, even those I don't particularly like. That's you, Beryl.'"

Classic Gordon, stun everyone by leaving the royalties to the youngest.

Skulduggery walked forward, ignoring Beryl's look of horror, and walked over to Stephanie. He touched her arm lightly.  
>"Congratulations," he said and moved toward the door, hearing Beryl screeching behind him.<p>

One hour and twenty minutes beforehand

The door clicked shut, and Dimitri waited a minute, and opened his eyes. He coughed blood as he propped himself up against the wall. The first thing he noticed was his fringe, "That fucker messed up my hair," he thought.

He looked down at his chest, and knew he had but a few minutes left. Guts were protruding, and he thought he saw part of a kidney in the middle of the room. He was glad that he learnt how to stop his heart from beating for a short time. He dragged himself across the room, leaving a trail of blood, and with great difficulty, lifted himself onto the chair next to the window. While not a particularly bright day, he thought the sky was at its prettiest. He heard a noise and turned around to watch the door open, and a man walked in. Dimitri started to drift off, but focused as the man rushed over to him. "Come on, we'll get you to a hospital."  
>Dimitri coughed up more blood, "It's too late for me comrade, but I wish two things. May I know the name of the last face I see, and a glass of water?" Dimitri continued as he pulled a shot glass from his pocket, "I don't wish to die my last drink being vodka."<br>The man took the shot glass from Dimitri, and held it out, the air above it condensing and falling into the glass. "A fellow mage" Dimitri stated. The man just smiled, and tried to tilt the glass and allow Dimitri a sip, but Dimitri reached for the glass weakly. "My chest is destroyed, not my arm" he argued, and brought the glass to his mouth, where the water mixed with blood, bittering it. But Dimitri didn't care. To him, it was the sweetest he'd ever tasted.  
>"Name?" Dimitri said between a sip, a smile on his lips.<br>"My name is Remus Crux," He replied  
>"So why did he kill you?" he continued<br>"So you know the Skeleton then?" Dimitri asked  
>"Yes" Remus told him<br>"He wanted to know who led his family into the trap for Serpine."  
>"Do you know?"<br>"Da."  
>Remus didn't show any surprise on his face. "Did you tell him?"<br>"No, I've no wish to kill her."  
>"Will you tell me? It could be important" Remus thought he might be able to use this for a promotion. Dimitri started to drift off, and Remus nudged him.<br>"Ahh, sorry friend, you must forgive me, I have a fatal chest wound." He laughed weakly at his own joke.  
>Remus just smiled "Good to see you haven't lost your sarcasm."<br>"Ahh, yes, I shall tell you," Dimitri coughed up blood, this time with smaller bone fragments in it "On two conditions."  
>"What are they?"<br>"You don't tell anyone else, and you don't tell the Detective."  
>Remus didn't complain about his use of basically the same condition, and nodded.<p>

"The information dealer, China Sorrows." Dimitri coughed blood, and his eyes glazed over. Remus closed his eyelids, and walked out.


End file.
